Before I embarked on the plane to Egypt, I faced much strong opposition from my parents who felt that it was too unsafe for a young single female traveller to go to the Middle East herself. There were too many lame cooked-up excuses they gave, such as the rampant spread of Swine Flu, the worst month for the travelling under the scorching sun, potential terrorist attacks (?!) and that Diving was a dangerous sport, especially...... in Egypt (?!)
Nevertheless I argued, persisted and remained stubborn against my parent's unjustified paranoia against the Middle East (not all of them are terrorists), swine flu (its a Muslim country) and Diving (the Red Sea is one of the top diving spots in the world). But since I have returned back home, unscathed and still in one piece after spending 3 perilous weeks in Egypt, I can proudly say that the only possibly thing that could endanger a tourist like yourself is being ripped off by the local salesmen and (believe it or not)....... Tour leaders.
Because your fair olive skin and jet black hair makes you stand out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of brown and black, the charming local Egyptians immediatley see you as a potential fountain of wealth ready to be tapped, conned and fooled like a brainless 5 year old school-boy. It may be insulting, but the first price they offer is always triple the original price you should pay, so I was told. So always, always bargain till you reach less than 1/3 of the original price for any item you buy. Thankfully, my tour guide Mina declared to our group right at the very beginning, ''Guys, nothing is a fixed price in Egypt.''
Anytime you walk down the street, you will never fail to be stopped and hassled by the local Egyptians. It is amusing how many times I've been mistaken for being a filthy rich Japanese, Korean or Chinese. No one ever guesses Singapore, because the Egyptians don't really know many non- Arabic-speaking countries in South East Asia, with the exception of Sg's Muslim neighbour, Malaysia.
''Come my friend, come into my shop have a look, just one meeenitt....one meeenitt only. I give you good price!''
And even though I've tried many times to avoid all forms of eye contact and even walking in a deviant direction so that my deliberateness would come across to them as an obvious lack of interest in purchasing any merchandise, the persistent local salesmen never fail to descend upon you like a swarm of migratory locusts. It may sound like an exaggeration, but the frequent aggressiveness and insistent persuasiveness from the desperate salesmen can really make window shopping in Cairo every girl's worst nightmare.
''Heyyyyy my friend, so vware are yoo fomm?''. Not giving up, they try to grab every single leeway of opportunity they can.
''I will let you have 3 guesses. If not, please leave me alone''
Jarpan?
So where are yoo fomm???
And as you can imagine, the Guess-where-I-am-from game would usually end with me walking away with a triumphant smirk plastered all over my face as they scratch their heads in exasperated bewilderment. Priceless!
Some of the Egyptians can be really deviously sneaky. Take for example a Camel ride.
''A camel ride. Very cheap. Only 10 Euros for you sir''
''Really 10 Euros only??''
Believe me, it will always sound too simple to be true. Soon after, a fellow tourist was furious after he found himself paying 20 following his camel ride, only because the Egyptian man insisted on a tip of 5 Euros for himself as well as another 5 Euros tip for his beloved camel.
And don't bother letting any kind samaritan offer to take any pictures for you. Chances are they will expect you to tip them for using a camera as well. I remember the same bloke who offered the camel ride earlier trying to pull off the same tactic as well. Another friend had to literally wrestle my camera away from his grip since he was so adamant in refusing to take no for an answer.
Thankfully, spending in Egypt was not always this frustrating. I soon realized that it was essential to hone up our haggling and acting skills if we wanted to surivive on a reasonable budget whilst splurging my remaining expenses on Diving. For meals. Perfume. Papyrus. Bottled water. And even taxi rides.
On a taxi ride back to our hotel, my sister had initially agreed with the taxi-driver to pay 15 pds. Which was reasonable, considering the time and distance for the journey back. At the end of the ride however, the mustached-taxi driver insisted on a stand-off extra 5 pd tip for himself. This threw my sister off as she had expected to pay Mr Moustache only 15 pds. She argued, that 15 pds was already enough and that Mr Moustache was being too greedy. Mr Greedy-Moustache refused to budge. So the drama queen decided to stage a massive tantrum.
Mel threw a hissy fit infront of Mr Greedy-Moustache, putting on a dramatic act of bursting into tears and yelling in defiance about unfairness and injustice, which made Mr Greedy-Moustache as well as my brother froze on the spot. Nevertheless, Mr Greedy-Moustache was shocked distressed by her hysteria. Without lingering any longer, he took the money and drove off within a split second.
Aye, that worked!
I want to marry you....how many camels?
Apart from being foolishly ripped off a couple of times, I had a few indecent encounters as well as ridiculous marriage proposals from some horny Egyptian men. Fellow friends this I promise you, prior to this Egypt trip, I was never this popular with the male gender in my entire life!
The very first one occurred right on the plane journey from London to Cairo. As soon as I plonked myself onto the window seat, a lovely pair framed blue eyes greeted me.
''Hi my name is Mohammed, what is your name?''
"Er.....hi...my name is Michelle, nice to meet you"
The awkward introduction was followed by a couple a friendly questions, mainly where I was from, was I Japanese Korean or Chinese, how old I was, do I speak Arabic, am I Muslim, how long was I staying in Egypt for blah blah.....Egyptians are so friendly and nice, so I thought.
''Michelle, do you have a boyfriend?''
I suppressed a frown though my eyes widened in surprise.
Crap....I can see where this is going. Should I tell a white lie? Or not? But Thou shalt not lie??? Help!
I conjured up an image of the most Mr-Perfect boyfriend in my mind and lied through my teeth, ''Yesssssss.......... I have a boyfriend.''
Mohammed looked away, as I struggled to keep my face straight.
''You are not married........'' Then an abrupt and untimely question threw me off.
''Do you want to marry me?''
At that point, I felt flustered. I was quite afraid to hurt or offend the first friendly Egyptian I met on the plane by what I was about to say.
'Er.....I can't Mohammed..because I just met you, I don't know you. And......... I have a boyyyyfriennnnnd''
Mohammed made no effort to hide his disappointment. I felt ridiculously AWKWARD yet amused.
So I tried to break the silence by asking him to teach me a few phrases of Arabic.
In between the Arabic lessons, Mohammed asked again, ''Are you sure you dont want to marry me?''
This was totally out of the blue from a complete stranger! I shook my head, ''Nope, Sorry''
Thankfully the plane landed and as quickly as I could, I grabbed my bag and walked out of the plane, fighting a mad desire to burst out laughing. There were a few others which I won't bother elaborate on, but those were mostly a mutual joke in the spirit of good-natured humour.
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The next one was however one that was quite disturbing, because he was a mere juvenile Egyptian teenage boy.
On one of my off-diving days I decided to go for a snorkel at the reef. It was bright and sunny, the waters were pleasantly warm and inviting. A group of local Egyptian teenage boys were snorkelling and fishing around the the waters. One of them offered to take me around the Eel Gardens. We shall call him the Boy. He was a bronze-skinned, scrawny and gangly but friendly fella. Possibly 16 years of age, judging from the signs of developing muscle bulge that hung on his bony frame.
We swam around with the group for an hour or so, and the Boy showed me a few tricks on his surfboard. It was fun hanging out the local people, so after snorkelling we decided to sit on his surfboard as the waves rolled by.
I was quite ready to swim back to shore, but the Boy brushed a strand of hair away from my face.
''Can you me.....a kiss?''
$&^*)*&(&%$*(??
I was shocked. Stupefied. Flabbergasted. Blown Away. Disgusted.
''I'm sorry but No.'' I shook my head vehemently so that he would get the point.
''But just one kiss....please?'' The Boy pointed a finger to his lips.
I know I may look young but this little lad had no idea that I was 7 years older than him, the same age as my wee brother. Call me a heartbreaker, but this was totally underage inappropriate and I was quite ready to puke.
''I'm sorry but I can't. I want to swim back now,'' I pointed towards the direction of the shore and suddenly the Boy gripped my wrist, refusing to let go.
''Please, just one kiss....please'' He shook his head and pleaded like a confused puppy.
''No...No kiss! No Kiss!,'' My alarmed tone took on a sense of urgency.
I felt a wave of panic, yanked my wrist free from his grip, jumped off the surfboard and swam as fast I could towards the shore. As soon as I reached the sand, I ran off towards my hotel and ignored the distant yell from the sea.
What a confused Boy. I hope he grows up one day and find a lovely Egyptian girl that would be appropriate for his age.
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The most daring and perhaps most radical encounter was this divorced middle aged travel agent. I'll call him Mr Fat-Baldie, since the prominent features that spring to mind were his oval-rimmed spectacles, bulging pot belly, shiny hairless forehead, gold teeth and insatiable appetitie for sex (I'll explain why later).
I bumped into FB while I was walking down the street from my hotel in Cairo.
Like most closeted sex-maniacs, he appeared friendly, gentle and well-mannered like a proper gentlemen and tried to help me with directions to the local supermarket as I looked lost. He started the ball rolling by opening with the usual questions, Where are you from? Japan? Korea? China? How long are you here for? Are you travelling by yourself? etc etc
''You seem like a nice girl. I would like to treat to a cup of tea. Would you be interested?''
Through the conversation, some dodgy and personal questions cleverly slipped in and it soon became apparent that FB had an pressing agenda behind that free cup of Bedouin tea. I decided to weave a story based on lies and deception. The conversation went something along the lines like this:
DFB: ''Where is your boyfriend? Are you travelling by yourself?''
(Lied about having one already, might as well continue lying about imaginary Boyfriend)
Me: ''Oh my boyfriend is in Singapore. I'm here by myself but I'm meeting my sister and brother at the hotel later''
DFB ''My my......Only one boyfriend?''
Me: " Oh yes, only one'
DFB
Me:" Er....no thanks...... one good enough for me. I'm sorry but I don't want an Egyptian boyfriend''
DFB:'' Life is too short, You should have fun! Meet some random people, have sex with them...''
Me (tries to sound like a clingy insecure women):'' Oh no, I'm very faithful.....we have been going out for.......... 7 years! I call him everyday on the phone...I have to hear his voice.......everyday!''
DFB:''Jes*s *$^&^&! How long is the shortest relationship you ever had?''
Me
DFB:'' You are not virgin are you? Have you ever had sex with your boyfriend?''
Me (OMG can't believe he asked that)
Me:'' No we haven't, I dont believe in pre-marital sex''
DFB:'' I believe in having fun all the time. I have been divorced twice, but I decided you know now I am free I get to meet different people and try new things...''
Me (Sh*t!)
Me: ''Wow...........er.....thats cool. But not for me.. I love being in control
Some people have sex outside of marriage for fun, but not for me. I like to have fun in different ways...like er....Diving!''
DFB :
Me: ''Strong?"
DFB: '' You know, good in bed.
Me (Am I supposed to be impressed?)
Me: '' Wow thats nice to know.....
Me: ''So tell me about your kids, do you see them often?''
DFB leans in close into my personal space and shoots me a curious stare.
Me:'' How about your ex-wife? If you dont mind me asking some personal questions, (only because you asked me some just now!).... what led to your divorce?''
''Do you still believe in marriage?''
''Whats your definition of love? Do you believe in love?''
And no, I did not launch into an evangelical Action Group session. DFB got quite reluctant to answer the questions I fired at him so I thanked him for the cup of tea and left promptly.
What an encounter!
Nonetheless that was just the gist of our conversation. I was lucky enough to get a free cup of tea off him without DFB laying any hands of his hands on me!
2 comments:
v interesting post. i kind of think arabian men are real ham-sup myself. that's my general impression. oh well, looks like u in good 'ol singapore... c u in july!
Hahahahahaaaaaa!! Missus... I'd forgotten about your blog again!! Been reading all your new posts... it's all soooo funny!!! Esp this one hehehe!! :P I MISS you and your joy like crazy! U reckon u can get time off next summer? More diving fun?! I'll pay a gazillion camels for you!! :D xxxxxx
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