they give more than we get

For many of us, the word Cancer can send a chill down the spine, raise the hairs on the back of one's head, stop a heartbeat momentarily or render us speechless and shocked.

For patients, it could stir up a variety of emotions and responses to face a chronic lifelong disability. Some patients may live in denial, while some readily accept their fate. Others (a few rare exceptions) rise up to the challenge no matter what circumstances life throws at them.

And so I thought I had a faint inkling of what a Lymphoma was or at least what it means to be afflicted with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), especially after reading about it in textbooks and having had a few hematology tutorials on the subject. I was wrong. And only after sitting down to talk to the patients (rather than quickly clerking their history), realization dawned upon me how little I really understood the disease. The disease as a whole. Not just a list of signs and symptoms a patient could present, with all that fancy investigations and chemotherapy drugs as one would read in a standard textbook. I still don't understand cancer, and I probably won't unless I choose to specialize and dedicate a substantial number of years in this field. But I suppose I've learnt what cancer means to Marlin, Stuart and Edna, and how differently each one of them responded to it.

The ignorant, the repressed, and the fighter.

And also.....I'd like to disagree with my clinical supervisor, Dr Peter Semple on a statement he made. A personal opinion I should say. Something along the lines of: ''try not to be too acquainted with the patient lest you build an emotional attachment to them.'' It was pragmatic, and perhaps a safety net precaution many doctors would take to guard their emotions, preventing them from erring in their clinical judgement. Furthermore, it could be draining, and it could take more than just patience to sit down and allow patients to share their life-story with you as minutes fly by. With hoards of patients bombarding the clinic/wards, vying for your attention and advice for their ailments and illnesses, I can imagine how physically emotionally challenging it is for doctors to keep on going while putting on a happy smile doing that. Or maybe not. I could fool my blog audience into sounding like an aspiring noble all-righteous doctor by saying all this emo crap.

Cancer is a mystery. Most diseases are actually. And patients are our best teachers. Lets just say, I won't really understand a disease until I've experienced one myself.

Yunan Mission trip 2006