go forth and multiply

PM Lee's underlying message to all fellow Singaporeans during his recent National Day Rally 2008 couldn't have been more explicit:

1) Get MARRIED

2) Make (more) BABIES

With our declining annual birth rate (a dismal national average of 1.29 instead of 2.1) and increasing numbers of single not-gonna-get-married-soon working guys and girls out there, the kiasu Sg Government sure wasted no time in handing out even more procreation incentives to encourage its citizens to churn out more babies.

For example, the recent extended maternity leave (4 extra weeks, from 12 to 16), an extra $1000 baby bonus, 6 days of paid childcare leave, more subsidies for childcare and assisted reproduction procedures etc. To add weight to the seriousness behind this national issue, they are pumping in an additional 700 million dollars (having already spent 900 million dollars) just to promote the message of marriage and parenthood.

Thats a like total of 1.6 billion just to raise the birth rate! Have you heard of any other country resorting to such desperate measures like ours?

As discussed repeatedly by the local press, things are easier said than done. If only such matters could be simple as slotting a coin into a vending machine and being satisfied with a prize that you want. In dealing with issues of marriage and parenthood, the very first major obstacle lies in finding The One. And even if you do eventually meet Mr/Mrs Right, only a selected handful of these married couples end up having babies. What further compounds the problem is that our divorce rates are on the rise.

Finding the One, is often deemed an impossible task as many Singaporean single guys and girls would often complain. (Mind you, we're very good at complaining)

This is because Singaporean girls are reputably known to be fussy (ie. have high standards), are hard to please and maintain, too well educated and damn financially independent. Singaporean guys, on the other hand, are often touted as nerdy losers who know only how to study study study and ace exams or please their bosses, but never seem to have a clue when it comes to getting a date. Others don't have the balls to ask a girl out. Sadly, thats why we have SDU to organise group dates/excursions during company events and numerous match-making agencies sprouting up everywhere.

* SDU= Social Development Unit. Otherwise known as Single.Desperate.Ugly, for those of us who already know.

Thankfully, at least to my knowledge, we have not reached the stage where our parents have to flock to communal match-making events at local parks to exchange photos of their single offspring in order to help them seek out a potential mate. Unlike these folks in Shanghai, South korea and China.

No way, Hose!

The thought of being set-up on a date arranged by anyone (especially my parents) is uncomfortable enough to bring out the goosebumps on my skin. Apologies to Dr J. Low. Hahaahaha...

But can one deny any truth in the statement, about Singaporean ladies (myself included) being SO fussy and single? And why are many singles/couples avoiding marriage and babies? Here's two cents worth from a fussy Singaporean lassie, yours truly.

Why we're too FUSSY:

My hypothesis is pretty simple. It really boils down to our indigenous trait that distinguishes us from our oriental-looking cousins. Behold, our national pervasive spirit of Kiasu-ism :)

You see, all singaporean students are streamed academically from the very beginning they set foot into a kindergarten nursery school to a junior college or tetiary institution. Within each class, students are often ranked in terms of their exam results. Put different classes together and they are further ranked according by their academic merit and co-curricular achievements. And finally, implement a nation-wide exam to stratify each student into the appropriate cluster, ie. good excellent results often get you to top private schools, while not so good results land you into the dumps of a neighbourhood school.

In essence, the competitiveness of this system indoctrinates almost every student with a sense of striving perfection. We grow up thinking along the lines of such a notion: We have study hard to get good results, because good results can get you a good job, and good job can get you good money. And with good money, all the ladies will flock to your doorstep (alas, this applies to males only).

Growing up with these perfectionistic virtues, we subconsciously apply the same principle when it comes to the world of dating and relationships as well. A Singaporean girl can be notoriously fastidious. That is, we'd rather be single and wait for Mr Perfect to arrive at our doorstep than waste our time on unsuitable candidates in the midst of our busy lives.
Just ask any Singaporean lady about the 5Cs and she'll tell you what makes a man attractive:

Car, Condo, Country-club membership, Credit card, Cash $$$

If men are superficial about a woman's physical looks, it can be assumed that women are be equally superficial about a man's occupation, educational background and income. And with increasing access to education, more females are seen to be occupying more dominant leadership roles than males in the workforce. With lesser working men out there to compete with these career chicks on the same level, it is inevitable that ladies from the upper crust of a working society often lament about the lack of suitors that can match their background and income.

Hence, this could possibly explain the sociological phenomenon. After all, the saying goes, birds of the same feather often flock together.

And even as a male, would you honestly be secure if your wife brings home more money than you?

Why we rather not have babies:

I used to think that every girl shared the same dream of meeting Prince charming, falling in love, getting married, becoming a mother, having her own children.

Maybe not so much these days. I often hear people say:

'' I've met too many prince charmings to realize that all of them are wolves under sheep clothing.
True love doesn't exist. People break up all the time.
Why go through tumultuous years of marriage when you can easily go to a nightclub and get laid?
Becoming pregnant= becoming FAT
Having children will only mean sacrificing more time, sleep and money. Less me-time..Hello??! ''

I suppose the main reason why many couples out there choose not to have babies is because we've grown to become increasingly selfish.

Admit it, having a baby is not like making a decision to buy a car. It takes a lifelong commitment to see that the diapers get changed, the meals get fixed, the expenses are set aside for education tuition and hobbies, the personal time spent to groom and inculcate proper values and disicipline into these young impressionable minds. Are we willing and prepared to sacrifice our current lifestyle, pursuits and goals in life for this? Given a choice, it is much easier for singles/couples to stay the way they are. One less human life to take care of, and hence one less person neglected.

Besides, with too many things in life to enjoy and unexplored places to see, who wants to get tied down to a wailing baby and grumpy housewife?

In any case some readers get confused, I'm not against the idea of marriage and parenthood. Neither do I think that it is fair for all Singaporean girls to labelled as demanding princesses and Singaporean guys to be stereotyped as wimpy nerds. On a personal note, I believe that married life can be rewarding, when the time is right (When Princess Fiona finds her Shrek) and parenthood is a considered possibility. So yes, I totally empathize with many of these single working adults out there because unfortunately, like them, I have conscripted the remaining prime years of my life to be in a profession where the rigours of internship and residency can be possibly wear my ovaries out.

Man, I just sounded like some 28 year old. When in fact, I am still very very young. LOL.

In the meantime, as I blabber along, I do realize that for the circumstances of a young female medic like me, its best to head back to the books to pass the medic finals before I delve even further into this adult discussion! :P