The ''Poor Houseman''

I would be lying if I said I was'nt a single bit rattled by what the stern-faced Professor said to me in the middle of ward round on Friday.

''You just graduated. You are not local student, am I right?''

My heart skipped a beat.

I knew this condescending statement would eventually come one way or another when some Consultant would stumble upon discovering that a foreigner like myself would be assigned as his crew. It is a widely regarded and unspoken sentiment amongst local doctors and nurses here that foreign grads unarguably take a bit more time to adjust to the way things are done. Because the culture is so different. From the local abbreviations, fast chop!-chop! pace, to the unforgiving expectation to know your patient's previous medical background at the back of your fingertips because most Consultants don't.

Being a fresh-faced apprentice, there is the additional hurdle of overcoming the step-up transition of applying the relevant knowledge you learnt during medical school into practical daily common sense. It is regretably something I struggle with (since I don't have much knowledge to begin with :P )!

''Its only your first week and I know the system is new to you here, but I expect you to get used to it quickly. Your honeymoon period is over.''

I blinked. The harsh truth of the reality had already started to dawn upon me during the orientation week when I did my shadowing period earlier. He seemed to take pride in reirriterating a fact I had established long ago.

''Do you know this patient? If you don't know then say so, I will go get the case notes and read it myself. Right now I am getting confused and you are confusing me. If you don't know, say you don't know.''

''Next time I see a graduate from Glasgow I am going to ask them what they teach in their university. If you don't know something, please go and ask your seniors. Someone please help this poor houseman.''

He walked off and exited the ward, not giving a second glance.

I steadied myself and strolled back to my desk, not wanting to linger on the sympathetic glances I was getting from the medical students and Medical Officer. I tried not to show any reaction that would betray my inner devastation. After all, it was only my first week.

Every protagonist meets its nasty nemesis. Every path to success is hidden with obstacles that tests one's mettle. I often remind myself that it takes a mind of determination and a heart of willingness to plod on a journey that makes you pause every few metres, only to question the motives and purpose for setting out in the very first place.

I wondered if the Professor himself had been a former victim of harsh appraisal during his early foray into this intimidating realm as well. I once hypothesized that it is this mimicking of perfectionistic behavioural traits from one's superiors that spawns equally condescending and prideful trainees. Like a vicious psychological cycle whose effects ramify through the subsequent younger generations to come, a nasty-consultant-begets nasty-doctor and nasty-doctors give rise to fearful submissive patients. It is precisely why the heathcare system here is so distinctly hierarchal in this part of the world.

I detest this and if there is one thing I sorely miss, it is the warmth and amiability of the registrars and consultants I encountered during my training years in Glasgow. Now that I have been spotted, targeted and identified as the weakest link, it now boils down to a race against time to prove my questionable competence.

I guess blogging about this is one of the few ways that allow me to vent my stress, while staying stubbornly determined not to give into feelings of discouragement from other's criticisms. Though I must say, there is a terrible temptation to bitch about the long working hours/nurses/patients when most of my colleagues do. Somewhere deep down inside me, I believe that it is precisely these kinda circumstances that God wants me to face so that I rely on Him more. For I am only human, but His grace and sufficiency can meet all my needs.